How To Handle Criticism

The word “Criticism” is enough to raise one’s hackles. We bristle up like porcupines, ready to shoot our angry quills into our critics. As Dale Carnegie said, “Criticism wounds a man’s pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses his resentment.”

Of course all criticism is not fault finding. When applied constructively, criticism can serve as a positive reinforcement and motivate changes for the better.

It is therefore important to learn how to handle criticism if valid without resentment, or ignore that which is unjustified.

Points to ponder:

1. Consider who your critic is. Is he a friend or a casual acquaintance? Is he someone who dislikes you? Is he in competition with you? Does he covet your job, social status, knowledge or wealth? A friend will always criticize in a spirit of goodwill. His intention is to motivate you to change for the better. Criticism from such a person should be considered seriously and with humility. But if criticism is meant to demoralize, discourage or denigrate, it is best ignored.

2. What is the nature of criticism? Is it something in your behaviour, manners or attitude that offends others? If so, focus on the behaviour that needs changing and change for the better. But if criticism is unwarranted, ignore it.

Such critics feel important when they embarrass others. Ignoring them is a good way to snub them. There is no need to go on the defensive and justify one’s actions. I know of a lady to whom criticizing has become second nature. She has always something to say about the clothes, colour, hairstyles or behaviour of other people. This does not endear her to anybody. Her tart tongue reveals her inferiority complex and people keep her at arm’s length.

3. Criticism may be technical or specialized, in which case one must be sure that the person is knowledgeable or is an expert on the subject. If one is convinced of the factual integrity of the critic, it would be wise to pay heed and make corrections.

There are literary critics whose criticisms are corrective. They speak from knowledge of the subject. But there are others, who rip through the work of young writers or competitors, leaving them so discouraged that they may never write again. As Pope says in his Essay on Criticism, “‘Tis hard to say if greater want of skill appears in writing or in judging ill.”

S.T Coleridge aptly described such destructive critics. “Reviewers are people who would have been poets, historians, biographers if they could. They have tried their talents at one or the other and have failed. Therefore they turn critics.”

A true well wisher will criticize in private on a one to one basis. He will be specific about what he feels is wrong. He will be honest, not abrasive, and will not forget to highlight positive points. He will make it an interactive discussion, so that the person criticized will come out of this exchange with his self esteem intact.

One must recognize prejudiced criticisms delivered in an impersonal way and often tinged with sarcasm. This type of person does not have the courage to criticize a person to his face but would like to see him squirm in the presence of others.

Leonardo da Vinci had advice such people. “Reprove a friend in secret but praise him before others.”

Three Ways of Handling Critics.

• Avoid the person because you fear confrontation. As a result, resentment builds up to such an extent that you become blind to your own faults. Unaddressed issues accumulate and multiply. Relationships are broken and never mended.

• Attack the Critic. Become defensive and argumentative. Insist that you are right even though you know criticism is justified. Human beings are emotional creatures. Pride and vanity prevent us from accepting criticism gracefully.

• Accept criticism in a positive way. Like Edison said, ‘Be a lifetime learner.’ Listen rather than be argumentative. Be ready to admit that you might have made mistakes. Be willing to change what needs to be changed. Ask questions and clarify doubts if you think criticism is vague or inappropriate. If it is justified, work towards a positive change.

“Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right,” says Sir Jan Laurens Vanderpost.

To grow, one must remain teachable and willing to learn from positive criticism. Like Emerson we too must say, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.”

Courtesy: Eva Bell