YOU know the guy who always shows up to work late and blames it on his alarm clock? How about that obnoxious friend who swears his promiscuity is down to 'sex addiction'?
Humans are full of excuses. We're all prone to the occasional white lie or ridiculous rationalisation. Yes, that includes you.
With this in mind, we've drawn up a list of 11 common excuses which have blighted our society for far too long.
Have something to add to our list? Leave a comment in the section below.
"It's not you, it's me."
This tired cliche is trotted out every time someone gets bored of their significant other. It's often accompanied by platitudes like "I don't deserve you" and "you're too good for me", because patronising someone whose heart you just broke is always a spiffing idea. Seriously, who thinks it's plausible to tell a lover that you don't want to date them anymore because they're too awesome?
"I was just kidding!"
You've just said something stupid or offensive and the villagers are brandishing pitchforks at your door. Or writing snide comments on your Facebook page. That's when you use the 'get out of jail free' excuse - it was all a joke! Nothing to see here folks. Everyone knows your comments were serious, but you still pretend the haters are just lacking your refined sense of humour.
"My alarm didn't go off."
Yes it did. You may have slept through the racket, or rolled over and silenced the alarm without waking. Perhaps you hit the snooze button 15 times and then decided to have a long, leisurely breakfast. Whatever happened, I can guarantee that your sophisticated piece of modern technology did not decide to go on strike for five minutes when it was supposed to be chirping.
alarm clock
I'll just hit snooze one more time. That couldn't hurt. Photo: Justin Lloyd
"Everyone else was doing it."
The only thing worse than this sad excuse is the even lamer retort which inevitably follows it. Something about a bridge, I think. Quite simply, whenever "everyone else was doing it", the "everyone" in question was being a complete idiot and really should have been locked up in a place with burly guards for the good of society. Admitting to weakness in the face of peer pressure doesn't make your stupidity look any better.
"I'm full, thanks."
At least this excuse is well-intentioned. Someone has gone to the trouble of preparing a (not so delicious) meal, and you should try to avoid hurting their feelings. On the other hand, if you pretend the taste isn't a problem, the situation might repeat itself every time that person cooks. So whether you're a full-blown vegan or just someone who despises casseroles, it's probably better to be honest. Politely, of course.
"My phone was on silent."
Considering the number of calls that are missed because people's phones are "left in silent mode", it's remarkable how often a quiet train ride is interrupted by someone's shrill Lady Gaga ringtone. Ironically, that ringtone tends to be Gaga's song Telephone, which is all about her impatience at being called all the time. You know what? We get it. Sometimes you just don't want to pick up the phone. We'd really have no problem with that if you didn't lie about it.
lady gaga telephone
If only this phone had a silent mode. Photo: Universal
"I got stuck in traffic."
Every single one of us uses heavy traffic as an excuse for being late. You'd think we would learn to leave home sooner, but apparently those extra 15 minutes of sleep are the difference between life and death. Then there are the people who decide to stop at Macca's for a hash brown and blame congestion for their tardiness. Not to mention the irritating friend who always says he's five minutes away, but takes another hour to show up.
"I was drunk."
It's no secret that people do stupid things when they're drunk. This doesn't mean that buying a beer gives you free license to cast aside all laws of human decency without taking responsibility for your actions. So don't expect that close friend to laugh off the brutally honest text you sent them last night, and certainly don't expect me to forgive your appalling spelling.
"I'm a sex addict."
Tiger Woods made this excuse famous, but he didn't make it any more plausible. The desire to have sex isn't an illness, and you don't need to waste weeks of your life in an expensive rehab program. If you've cheated on your partner with 20 other people, the diagnosis isn't complicated. You are not a sex addict - you're just a horrible person.
tiger woods smiling
As addictions go, this guy got off pretty easy. Ahem.
"I've had no sleep lately."
Everyone fudges the numbers a little when it comes to their sleeping patterns. Teenagers tend to tell their friends that they stay up until insane hours, because that makes them totally hardcore. Or something. Of course, they actually crawled under the covers at 10pm. Meanwhile, many adults would have you believe that they barely sleep at all.
"I forgot."
news.com.au
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